


Salvation

by OneSweetMelody



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Christianity, Finding Religion, Gen, Pre-Canon, References to scripture, Working Out My Feelings Through Fic, because why not, renee's journey in finding religion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 16:24:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12016551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OneSweetMelody/pseuds/OneSweetMelody
Summary: Stephanie Walker did not save her.





	Salvation

**Author's Note:**

> For a tumblr prompt. Remember: Renee.
> 
> Definitely does not follow the prompt.  
> Here is 2k of me babbling about religion. Not beta read.
> 
> Trigger warning for lots of talk about religion and an abundance of scripture. The song mentioned is Potter’s Hand by Darlene Zschech. The bible verses mentioned are from both the NKJV and the NIV of the bible.

_Hebrews 11:6_

_But without faith, it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him._

_Peter 3:9_

_Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult . On the contrary repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing._

* * *

Stephanie Walker did not save her.

Natalie wasn’t someone who was meant to be saved. She’d chosen a life for herself, a life where she could help provide for her family, where she could walk safely in the streets and not fear the violence around her. Except the life that she’d chosen was filled with violence but even in that violence she had a family and she had security. Her hands were covered in layers upon layers of filth and blood.

“Our father in heaven, hallowed be your name. Your kingdom come and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this our daily bread and forgive us of our debts as have we also forgiven our debtors. And lead us not to temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, amen.”

The Walker family raised their heads while Natalie took another bite of her vegetables. She could feel the glances the Walker kids gave her as she continued to eat her meal. They passed plates and serving bowls around as they piled together food. A bowl of mashed potatoes made towards Natalie and she leaned back in her chair so it could pass past her. She wasn’t going to take part in the dinner chatter or pretend that she wanted to be with the Walkers.

This wasn’t a place for her. She would never fit whatever cast Stephanie had shaped for her former foster kids. It seemed almost like showboating that Stephanie would parade her former wards in front of Natalie in some absurd display of her apparent kindness.

_Look at all these other fucked up kids I rehabilitated. You too can perfect member of society._

Those who were born in the muck and grime stayed there. You couldn’t raise yourself up from nothing.

Natalie takes another stab at her vegetables. From across the table, Stephanie gives her a calm searching look.

* * *

_Romans 10:9-10_

_9 If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.  10 For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you profess your faith and are saved._

* * *

The church pews were hard and uncomfortable.

Natalie was almost thankful that they were expected to stand during worship. The first few months, she’d refused to stand during the ridiculous church-wide singing session. The people up on the stage could carry a decent tune of the rest of the congregation sounded like a hoard of dying animals. Natalie only gave up and decided to stand with the rest of the congregation when she was tired of her ass getting sore for sitting down for the entirety of the hour and half service. Now she only had the sit for the actual sermon and spend the other half our standing amongst all the people singing offkey and raising their open hands upward.

She didn’t want to admit that she knew the words to most of the songs. The worship group cycled through just over dozen or so songs through their portion of the service. It was easy to tell which ones were most popular because they were repeated more often. It didn’t help that the words were projected on the screen behind them.

The whole practice confused her. On the back of the pew in front of her was the New International Version of the Bible - Stephanie had provided this information, Natalie didn’t care otherwise - and a hymnal. What was the point of having a book of old hymns if they were just going to play contemporary Christian music anyway.

The whole thing was ridiculous.

The worship session was stupid, the sermon was stupid, the hard backed pews were stupid. And why the everloving fuck did people raise their hands and say random amens when they thought the pastor said something that was apparently helpful.

It didn’t make sense to her and if she muttered the words to one of the songs.

> _You gently call me, into Your presence_  
>  Guiding me by, Your Holy Spirit  
>  Teach me dear Lord  
>  To live all of my life through Your eyes 

* * *

_Isaiah 41:10_

_‘Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'_

* * *

"Tattoo removals cost a lot of money.”

“I heard something like that,” Stephanie shifted through her interview notes and typed something on her computer. “Especially with larger tattoos.”

Natalie stretched out on the couch. Stephanie didn’t like people putting their feet on the couch, but she hadn’t said anything after the first few times Natalie rested her legs on the arm of the chair. Her book for class was old and dusty and she wrinkled her nose at the smell. She’d end up developing allergies like this. It was likely better to read while sitting up or in the desk in her room rather than laying down. But she’d already commandeered the couch in the backroom for most of her studying needs.

At first it was to ask Stephanie for help with her homework after Natalie had finally caved and admitted that she was slipping behind grade level, but after a while she’d gotten accustomed to the spot even when she didn’t need help. Stephanie didn’t seem to mind her presence even though the woman used the room when she needed to write or do research for her articles.

Natalie gave up on her book for the time being. She just had to finish the chapter and she could do it in her study hall tomorrow before English class. She swung off the couch and made her way to Stephanie’s desk. Stephanie didn’t like when people hovered over her shoulder so Natalie stood off to the side and squinted at the computer screen.

“The governor is cutting funding for youth programs,” it was less of a question but Natalie’s voice was tinged with disdain.

“That’s what it looks like,” Stephanie nudged her glasses up and rubbed the bridge of her nose. “I was talking to some people and it’s linked to some infrastructure projects that have been behind schedule for years. If they hadn’t given themselves pay raises the last few years, there wouldn’t be a deficit in the budget and we wouldn’t be this position right now. But as it stands, we have this mess.”

Natalie picked up one of Stephanie’s notebooks and paged through the notes. She didn’t get very far until Stephanie plucked the notebook from her hands. Months ago, Natalie would have been tempted to roll her eyes but now she only leaned back and gave a sigh. “Journalistic integrity and protecting your sources.” 

“You can still help if you want,” Stephanie offered. “I still have to look at the state senate proposals on it from last year.”

Natalie ran the offer through her head. She’d finished all her homework except her reading and she didn’t have anything better planned for a Tuesday night. She chewed the inside of her cheek and weighed her options.

“Where are the articles?”

Stephanie gave her a small smile and passed her a folder.

* * *

_Hebrews 11:1_

_Now faith is the substance of the things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen._

* * *

“Natalie, would you like to pray?”

Natalie looked around the dinner table and expecting to be met with the expectant faces of the rest of the family but everyone else already had their hands clasped and their heads bowed in prayer. It wasn’t the first time Natalie had been asked if she wanted to say grace, but she’d quietly declined each and every time. It didn’t deter Stephanie from asking every few weeks.

Natalie clasped her own hands together and bowed her head slightly. She still glanced around the room nervously but after a few breaths she closed her eyes as well.

“Dear heavenly Father. Blessed is thy name. We give you glory and honor and praise. Please bless this food before we eat. In Jesus name we pray. Amen.”

* * *

_John 3:3, 20-21_

_3 Jesus replied, “Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they are born again.”_

_20 Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that their deeds will be exposed. 21 But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what they have done has been done in the sight of God._

* * *

_Matthew 28:18-22_

_18 And Jesus came and spoke to them, saying, “All authority has been given to Me in heaven and on earth. 19 Go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20 teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Amen._

* * *

The water was heated but that didn’t prevent Renee from shivering as the pastor dipped her under the water. The pastor had one hand holding the back of her head and her neck in line and the other on her stomach. She plugged her nose and covered her mouth, screwing her eyes shut and letting the water wash over her.

While her testimonial seemed to last forever as a recording of her giving a short account of how she come to faith to the entire conversation. She’d skipped out most of the details, all of the details really but the basis was the same. She’d grown up with near absent parents in an unsafe neighborhood and she’d done what she needed to survive. She never thought there would be a way to absolve her of decisions that she’d make when she was scared and forced to enter a world of violence to help provide and keep her family safe. But she’d found herself after years of trials and tribulations and she’d learned to lean on her new family and the Lord for strength.

They didn’t need to know her full past. Even Stephanie hadn’t been privy to the full details of everything she’d been forced to do and everything she’d done of her own volition. It was between her and God. Her hands were still covered in layers of blood and dirt. She was still Natalie, she couldn’t completely wipe away the years she spent in her old gang or the months of juvie.

But Renee meant rebirth. She had the option to chose how she walked now. She could let her newfound faith carry her to something better.

She gave a short prayer in those few moments of silence while she was suspended in the stillness of the water. She forgot the words of the prayer as soon as they were silently said, but at she was lifted from the water, the sound muffled prayer and praise reached her ears.

And quietly the pastor whispered a short piece of scripture to her.

* * *

_Hebrews 11:6_

_But without faith, it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek him._

**Author's Note:**

> Is it obvious that spend a lot of time thinking about this and went through some of my old devotionals and sermon notes? Uh...yeah


End file.
